Life thru my small Eyes

Not Much Goin On

2006-03-16T23:26:00.000-05:00

its been awhile since i last posted! its a month and a half into my break... hehe been alright i guess.. not stressing too much... taking a nite course... applying for jobs... playing sports... i got accepted into winsdor... havent heard from waterloo or york yet! still early i guess?!?! hehe.. well tonite went to the last nite for the sr. tc... its was pretty good... i liked it! i got to see ppl that i havent seen in awhile... wat was amazing bout it... was seeing God work thru ppl... despite there not being as many ppl compared to other years but you could jus feel the vibe in the sanctuary! hehe... its was AWESOME! hehe.. i was only there for three hours too... jus imagine how it was thru out the entire day! hehe... crazy how God works! hehe well theres other things but me gettin tired and gotta get ready for tmr! goin up to loo! =)

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

today has been such a poo-ie day... vday is such an overrated holiday! despite the fact that i actually have a valentine this year... i dunno its jus SO pointless... why set a specific day to celebrate your feelings for someone, when you SHOULD be doing it everyday all year round! anyways thats my two cents on vday =p i dunno today has jus been so.... blah! got upset at justin cus of something he said that kinda surprised me and i dunno! jus something that i wouldnt have expect n e one to say... like i know hes upset that theres the possible chance that we might not see each other next week... but jus gotta deal right?! more to it than that but yeah... so that was bumming me out today! saw one of my friends from elementary school! and met her bf... heheh theyre so cute! anyways after that i went to volleyball... it was lots of fun! i did better today compared to last week! hehhe... i actually worked up a sweat and i wasnt as cold... heheh... last week was sooo cold in the gym... but its gettin better! hehe cant wait til next week to play! afterwards talked to ppl for a bit then drove home! now here... relaxing

Ubber Sore

2006-02-08T20:58:00.000-05:00

its been a bit since i last posted... well im done school now and looking for a job! gonna take one nite school course bout it... jus enjoying my time off of school at the moment... other than that not much has happened! missin justin... hes in loo studying for misterms with now... wont see him for another couple of weeks! cant wait! n e ways... yesturday i went to play vball at church... it was a lot of fun! but now im sooo sore! thighs and butt are ubber sore... so diffcult to go up and down the stairs... and even sitting down hurts! wow... thats SO sad! and then my arms... wow! left forearm looks like im a crack addict... lol... IM NOT! heheh REALLY im not! its from the bumping and it was cold in the gym and i didnt stretch! yeah its bursed! theres little dots and looks like its from a needle! hehe and then my right forearm is jus bursed and super sore! like i mean sore... cant put pressure on it! *sigh* after going, it made me realise how out of shape i am... heheh but i shall continue to go... well hopefully dependin on job and stuff when i get one... but for now im goin! hehe ... thats bout it for now i guess

Its Been One Month!

2006-01-24T19:25:00.000-05:00

well today is my one month with my bf... really weird but in a good way! its been a good one month... we've had ups and downs but overall its been worth it! its been weird cus jus not use to this whole thing but so far its been great! hehe... kinda sucks that we dun get to spend it together but jus something gotta deal with... thats wat we get for being in a long d relationship! but its an experience in itself! i'll see him soon so its all good... hehe =) happy one month!

Sick at Home

2006-01-20T14:01:00.000-05:00

ended up not goin to school today cus i wasnt feeling all that well... even tho i shoulda went cus finals are coming up and all but i know wat needs to be done! have all my stuff with me so all good, jus gotta do the work this weekend which i plan to do!

kinda glad that i stayed home today, i got to catch up on some readin... im readin "boy meets girl" by joshua harris... it isnt that bad of a book! i found that it brings up a lot of points of reminder. the points that he brought up were a very good reminder of how we as Christians should trust in God when it to our future partner. i dunno i guess it was jus awesome to see how God works in our lives when we least expect it! Thanx Father for all that you've done for us! =) well... still not finished the book yet so dunno everything that the author has written!

anyways found out my bro got me soulcalibor 3 =D cant wait to play! hehe probably bring it up to loo when i go! it'll be fun to play! hehe... cant wait to make my own characters... that'll be fun! =) if i play again j.l. wonder whos gonna win?! lol ;) jks!

Dunno Wat To Call This

2006-01-18T20:25:00.000-05:00

everythings been ok for me i guess... exams are coming up so gotta study, but other than been alright... but i dunno at the same time..
him and i jus have been goin up and down i guess... hes kinda bummed and ive been trying to help him get thru it, but jus doesnt seem to be helping and i dunno wat to do! everything i tell him is the same thing over and over again... and i jus dunno n e more! i worri bout him and jus dun like to see him beating himself up!... jus wish that he could see the things that i see in him!

God, i jus pray that you help him get thru this! help see the gifts that you've placed in him and the path that youre leading him in. I pray that you'll guide him in his journey with you and become a stronger person b/c of all of this! be with him Lord. thank you for all that you've done! in your name, Amen.

"I'm not goin anywhere."

Lots Have Happened

2006-01-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

been awhile since i last made an entry... lets see... schools almost done for me, less than a month to go... went on a retreat over the break with my church fellowship, that was sooo much fun! bonded with a lot of ppl which was pretty cool! got to hang out with friends and my bf... hehe so weird... anyways yeah it was official couple of weeks ago... applied for uni... thats bout it for me...

spiritaully im doin better... which is good... glad that im back on track again =) God has been soo wonderful!

oh got a new cell #... so jus ask for it

Crummy Day

2005-11-13T22:31:00.000-05:00

man... this is probably a day i wont forget! you ask why... i shall tell you! i "hit" another car today... its not as bad as it sounds... jus bumper to bumper scratch... all b/c of me! yay! (sarcasism) thank God it was jus a car and not a person! now im kinda scared to drive! but my sis forced me too... blah... hopefully i'll have better judgemnt next time wheni reverse out of a parking spot! told my mom when i got home... she was mad at first but i THINK shes ok now... doesnt seem to be mad... thank God everything ended up ok... well except witht he other person. i cant say cus i dunno... i was gonna tell the owner but by the time i got out of the church they had already left... so gonna look of the car next week and hopefully get everything sorted out! =/ and all this happened on a day where i have to study for tests... greaatt! blah... now kinda hard to concentrate with all thats happened... and i dunno... jus stressed with it... not i feel like im not prepared for my tests tmr... arghhh! God help me get thru all this! *sigh* .... i know i can get thru all this b/c of you God i jus gotta have faith!! and believe everything will turn out for the best! thanx God for keeping all of us safe!

Satisfied...

2005-10-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

its been a week and a half since i last posted. i guess a lot has happened since then. not gonna go into much detail about it. relationship wise, there is a guy but we're jus friends. well to my knowledge anyways... heheh we'll see where God takes us. school, im doin pretty well. more determined this year! so i guess im glad i stayed the extra sem. kinda slacking but gettin back into study habits again so thats good. oh, commencement is next week looking forward to that and theres a dinner after that! should be great! cant wait! =) family, everything is goin alright i guess. with sis's engagement parents seem ok with it! i think they're excited but jus not showing it that much! hehe but its all cool! spiritually, i guess i can do better. i havent been that on track with my spiritual life. i dunno how to get it back. pray for me please! i talk to God and everything but i dunno somethings jus missing and i dunno wat. i thougt i knew wat it was before, maybe its still the same reason but i dunno. losing that friend hurt a lot and i find that thigns are jus weird between us. two weeks ago during sunday service the sermon was on conflicts between friends. it was very applicable. i guess i havent taken my final step before saying i gave it everything to fix the friendship! i guess i should get to that before i let it go! sad to say =/ he meant a lot to me too. was my best friend, but i guess i cant change wats happened! i jus wish him the best in all that he does!

hope everyone is doin well! good luck with all your midterms guys! (even tho its almost over!) take care and God bless

So Confused!

2005-10-19T17:43:00.000-04:00

im jus in a rut and i dunno wats goin on in my head anymore! ahhh... ok im good now! hehe

Great News!!!

2005-10-17T19:59:00.000-04:00

i know it took me a bit to post this, but im doing it now! if you havent already found out... MIKE AND NADINE ARE ENGAGED!!!!!! YAY!!!! this happened friday nite! so awesome! still hasnt sunk in yet... hehe dunno when the actual date is gonna be but they're engaged! WOW, no matter many times ive said it... it jus doesnt feel real! hehe its starting to sink if for them, but very slowly! hehe so funni! so cute! so HAPPY for them! im so looking forward to this whole thing! heheh well thats bout it for this... post more later... gotta get back to hmwrk!

Lost

2005-10-09T23:46:00.000-04:00

hrmmm... i jus feel so lost! i jus dunno wat to do n e more. i guess so much has happened and the past while seemed to go well, but jus i dunno. found out some bad news and i jus dunno wat to do. i honestly cant say wat, but im jus saddened by it. and i cant do n e thing bout it! God help! please help! i feel like i cant talk to anyone cus i dunno who knows! *sigh* at times i jus wanna burst out crying but i jus feel like i cant or i shouldnt. i dunno n e more! why do things not go the way they should?! i know why but sometimes it jus doesnt make sense! God i dun wanna question your plan! im trying not to but when it comes down to it... its jus not fair! i wanna be there for this person but i cant. in the end i jus wanna cry out my sorrows to You! i know You, God, will provide for all of us in your own way! i guess jus have to be patient! help my be patient!

Confuzzled

2005-10-05T18:30:00.000-04:00

hehe.. i think the title says it all. i dunno, always has to do with boys lol. wats wrong with me! thing is that im starting to be "interested" in this guy i jus met!tooo soon have to remember that... lol! not good, but yeah anyways, i dunno wat to do. i think he feels the same way but i dunno! we've been talking like everyday so yeah... i guess first things first be friends and see what God wants for me! best thing to do right?! well hopefully things work out for the best! main thing is to continue to concentrate on my hmwrk! besides God, thats my top priority!

oh thanx to jono i have the bible verse i was talkin bout yesturday, its:"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.." Colossians 3:23

Out of Shape!

2005-10-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

today was only a half day for me, so i got out at 1130am. pretty sweet =p but still got lots to do. i jus went for a power walk/ run on the treadmill downstairs. felt good to exercise. i only ran for like 15mins total and i workout a swet... lol didnt want to over work myself. i really need to get back into exercising and playing sports! sigh well its been a good a good day so far, hot out but thats ok.

after coming back from loo, i found a new motto that im trying my best to live by and so far i THINK ive been achieving... hehe its: " not to do things for man but for God alone" i for got which bible verse its from but yeah... its something along those lines!

Trip to 'Loo

2005-10-02T22:00:00.000-04:00

this weekend went by fast! i guess thats wat happens when youre having fun! *sigh* well i went to waterloo for the weekend! left friday at about noon and came back at bout 730 today. friday after i got in, i hung out with ken, david, and tim! had some fun and then met up with tine and wen afterwards... then headed over to ccf with time wen and tine... its was pretty cool. they liked it, so hopefully they'll continue to go! after ccf, a bunch of us jus hung out david, ken, tine, wen, tim, justin, and ben! we're jus chatting and stuff so that was pretty cool, and then we went to play ping pong. we ended up goin to bed at about 7am... heheh a couple of them went to bed a bit earlier than the rest but close enough. then i woke up close to 11am... everyone else was still sleeping... hehe justin's neighbor was blasting his music sooo loudly i felt bad for him! bout the time i woke up he woke up too.. talked to him for a bit then i read a bit til wen and tim woke up. wen went back to her rez and tim went bak to sleep and i hung out with david h. had lunch with him and then went to his rez and chilled a bit. he played wc3and studied,while i watched and passing out heheh... so much fun! went back to tim's and did some more hmwrk, then chilled with justin for a bit... well for a while actually...lol forlike 5hrs (listening to music) until we went to get some food, tim and their friend eric came with... then went to lounge and back to justin's. i eventually completely passed out in justins bed and then yeah he slept on the floor! when i woke up and realized where i was, i felt sooo bad! *sigh* sorri justin! i didnt want to wake him up so i jus laid there for a bit then tim cam and knocked on the door and yeah we woke up! hehe... got ready for church, but justin being justin didnt go... hehe well cant blame him he wasnt feeling good. went to cfc with tim and wen... pretty cool! sermon wasnt too in depth tho... but still good! after church got some timmie hos and then went to cif to see ppl play softball... i got to see eric cynthia david h. and aaron! it was cool afterwards chilled at wens til bout close to four then headed back to tim's place and made sure i had everything before i left. then bugged justin for a while heheh... his blanket! so comfie! hehhe... then tim and justin walked me to the bus stop... but i missed the bus.. so waited at local bus stop and bused to kitchener then i greyhounded it to t.o! man this weekend has been soo much fun! met lots of cool new ppl! and wen telling me that i MUST go to loo next year or shes gonna drag me there... lol luv ya wen!

now its back to school tmr... and facing the real world once again! yay! man... hehe

Post Birthday

2005-09-29T16:54:00.000-04:00

well now ive been 18 for one day! yay! hehe... well i didnt win n e thing with my lottery thingie, jus wasnt ment to be! lol... its all good tho jus have to be able to control not to consistently buy them! it was fun tho, i guess heheh. jus wanna say thanx to everyone who made my day special! lol, didnt do ne thing but jus all the chats i had! THANX guys! luv ya! =)

lets see, today i realized that i dun have to go to school tmr... heheh well i wasnt gonna go to the last to periods cus im heading up to loo and i wanna beat traffic, but now i dun have to go to first period cus of uni fair. teacher told us that he'll mark all of us present but we dun have to go to class if we dun have too... hahah nice! then theres second period and i already know what i have to do for class, so tmr i get the day off! niccceeeee! =D so looking forward to waterloo! well gotta get started on hmwrk... have an assignment that i got to hand in tmr! so yeah take care guys!

Happy Birthday to Wen & Me!!!

2005-09-28T16:17:00.000-04:00

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!! hope your having fun and not doing n e thing stupid! hehe luv you! see ya this weekend!

im finally 18 today... and i bought a lottery ticket... heheh i got carded for it too! stupid lady is like you know you must be 18 to buy one, im like i know! so i show her my license and shes like your 17, i told her im 18 today! she's replies ohhh thats why your buying one... duh! stupid ladywho cant read! oh well other than that tody hasnt been to bad... jus cant wait for this weekend! waterloo!!!!YAY, im so excited. i know its loo but still i jus cant wait! =D

yesturday i went to mitchell's and bought lots of books and some cds... hehe so exciting... i know i sound like a dork. but im allowed to be one on my bday.. hehe =p n e ways! wat else.. i drove on my own cus i had to pick up the car from the dealership and then went to pick nadine up from work! nice! i did a very good job! i need to drive more! jus dun get enough opportunities to drive and that jus sucks monkeys! heheh and got home studied a bit and then watched gilmore girls!

hope the rest of the week will be great! if not oh well! =D

Family Moment

2005-09-26T19:00:00.000-04:00

this weekend as you can tell from my previous entries has been a bit rough. im still goin thru the rough patches but hopefully i'll get thru. i jus need guidance for the Father above! besides the rough patches i had some good moments. last night took family out for dinner to celebrate mom's birthday. took her to the keg and she loved it. as a family we got the chance to bond and im very thankful for that! and then there was ian and sandra's wedding. other than that that was my weekend! kinda boring when i think of it!

Venting

2005-09-24T22:57:00.000-04:00

i know i jus put in an entry, but jus gotta vent right now! today's my mom's birthday... and jus now we were gonna eat cake and kinda took long to get downstairs cus well i had go to potty. by the time i get downstairs my dad's yelling at the top of his lungs jus cus my bro and i took "so" long to get there... and its jus over cake, my MOM's cake might i add, not like its his. stupid butt hole! and then its like hes always like this... myakes our lives a living hell! like really is his soule purpose in life to make my mom's a living hell!? now cus of him my mom's birthday is ruined. why cant he let her have one day to be happy? like honestly why does he have to be such a selfish lil bastard. pardon my language, but he is! i know its harsh to say, but if you knew what i had to put up with youd understand!
please keeping praying for my family and i!

Things Have Changed

2005-09-24T22:19:00.000-04:00

this week had been kinda slackish.. but this coming week will be different! gonna work my butt off, with tests, quizzes, and assignments due i gotta!

i went to my church's uni fellowship last nite, it was fun! i like it! today was ian and sandra's wedding. they were SO cute! Congrats guys! aftwerwards i went home, watched some tv and then napped! hehe

how have i been in general? i think i could be better jus wit everything i guess... i dunno i jus dun feel like im being me! and thats jus annoying me. i dunno wats wrong! i guess its jus the fact that i lost two of my close friends. and w/ one of them i know things are jus gonna be different cus of the fact that he doesnt talk to me n e more (he ignores me) and it hurst but i guess something that i jus gotta deal with or i force myself to talk to me some way some how. but we'll see bout that. as for the other one i jus dunno, dun really talk to that person n e more. i jus feel disappointed cus of the fact that they were being inconsiderate and didnt appologize for it. i dunno wats gonna happen with that. also i guess b/c of this whole thing... i wanna switch churches for awhile. jus dun feel like i fit in n e more. jus thinking bout it and seeign which church i should go to. so yeah i guess you can say i have a lot on my plate. i know other may have more so i shouldnt really complain, but yeah jus dun feel right these days! i guess i jus feel like i dun fit in n e where. ut iknow i will get thru all of this, so i wont worri too much bout it!

as for stuff to look forward to, turning 18 soon so thats gonna be cool! and goin to loo for the weekend next week! so EXCITED bout that =D really cant wait! i get away from home and get to see everyone! YAY!

well thats bout it,
take care!

Stupid Blog

2005-09-19T19:48:00.000-04:00

i jus typed out this nice blog and i posted it and it didnt even show up at all! arghhh..

well i was jus saying that schools ok at the moment! gettin into my study habits, but hopefully they'll last for the entire sem!
im done at american ealge; yesturday was my last day! i shopped before i left!
life is alright! looking forward to loo next weekend! need to relax!
pray for me feel as if im slipping a bit! and i NEED to get back on track! but God shall provide for me! i know He will! patience

boys, thers one, but busy so yeah, putting school second next to God right now!

bout it!

Another School Year

2005-09-06T19:42:00.000-04:00

well wat can i say? school has officially started while summer vacation has come to an end! the last couple of days to my summer were pretty crappy the fact that i wasnt allowed out and family fight broke out... for those of you that i told, we're ok! and hopefully it wont happen again but still hard to say!... then with my first day of school, apparently i wasnt registered into the school system and i had to wait 3.5 hrs jus to get a timetable ... and in the end i only went to one class... it wa world issues... it seems like an alright class and as for the rest of them idunno yet... hehe i know at least i have some ppl my age in my classes... it seems as if a good amount of them stayed back, so i kinda dun feel left out =T so i guess thats and up side! well after school jus talked to one of my friends for like an hour, it was cool jus to talk... that sounds corny but true! like i dunno... i find that we're so caught up these days with technology that we hardly have an actual convo on the fone... but then again i like the fone more than msn! jus depends on each person i guess...

man, i think ive fallen a bit spiritually, but not exactly sure why... i dunno havent been praying as much as i should be and havent been doing devos either! *sigh* but the thing is that its not like im super down in the ruts! its jus that i know something is missing and i guess its jus that ive gotten distant from God... how do i pick myself up again? i dunno...

God let me be able to feel Your presence once again! i feel empty without you!

well i hope everyone's first week back at school will be great!!! and best of luck to everyone in the new school year! for those of you guys in university, im gonna miss you guys SO much!! *hugs*

Goodbye Softball!

2005-09-01T01:03:00.000-04:00

its been a week since i last updated... not too much has happened but jus enough to get by... hehe that didnt make sense but yeah n e ways... friday i hung out with my friend jeffy... it was cool! didnt hang out too long cus i had to fix schedule for the following day but yeah... i felt bad and it took a while and he was waiting... sorri jeff! welll yeah we jus ate and walked around dt. it was fun! should do it more often, if we have the time... since school starting up again... gonna have to see... then fellowship program that nite was "grand finale". its where all the grads graduate from the fellowship and move on to the one up... university one! gonna miss everyone... there were soo many of us! there were about 15 of us gradutaing for kyrios! cant believe... i really cant! it was sad!

sat i worked in the morning and had ccsa playoffs during the afternoon... first round we played against genesis jr. they were an okay team! kinda fun to play with... at the end it couldve been better i guess (attitude wise from them) but BASIC had sooo much spirit in that game! made me proud! you could tell everyone was having soo much fun! =) second round (quarter finals) we played against seraphs... it was a game well played... we played during the rain fall... had to pause in the middle of the game b/c of it... it was cool tho... got to hang out with the umps and the other leaders for a bit... after the rain calmed down a bit we continued to finish our game... as it came down to the final innings both teams played super hard defensively and offensively, but in the end we lost... it was a VERY close game tho! it was GREAT that we (BASIC) were able to make it this far... not saying that i didnt have faith in my team but for the amount of experience, we made it pretty far, so GREAT job guys!

sun i had church in the morning and worked in the afternoon... taht was about it... ohhh had bday dinner for grandpa with family! and yeah...

mon i had my day off from work... i jus stayed home... but i did get my hair trimmed a bit... not too much tho! jus enough that i didnt look bad... hehe...

tues i worked in the afternoon and i saw gen and dee... and hung out with them for a bit a fairview along with christian... jus chatted mostly then went home!

wed... i had work in the morning.. then went to mikes place to get ready for the CCSA closing banquet! and got eunice's bday gift ready too... sis came to pick my up and i forgot her gift at mike's hehe... sorri euni! the banquet was AWESOME!!! i got to se everyone tha ti normally wouldnt see! took lots of pics... and jus had a great time fellowshipping with everyone! jus cant believe the season is over! it went by sooo quickly! wish it didnt end! cus now school is approaching very quickly! arghh... no fun! everyone is leaving for uni... and im stuck where im at! staying an extra year! bah... my own fault tho! wat can ya do right!?

jus wanna wish everyone the best of luck at school! dun stress and may God bless you guys thru your walk with Him in life! depend on Him!

take care,

mch luv

Untitled

2005-08-23T23:56:00.000-04:00

well, its been a really long while since i last blogged! its been about three and a hlaf months since my last entry! and i honestly dunn wat to say... things have happened but i dunno... my mind jus draws a blank when finding the words to describe my summer! i guess you can say that its been eventful in all aspects... im working so that takes up most of my time, on my spare time have been able to go out more compared to before, with friendships and all there's been its ups and downs... tryin to get through them, but still taking time, softball season has come to an end... its been lots of fun! we're in the playoffs i believe!?! so thats really cool! made many friends this summer through softball and work! God's been VERY good to me!

the closing banquet is slowly approaching... im looking forward to that but kinda not i guess... i dunno! im looking forward to it cus then i get to see all the ppl that i normally dun get to see during the year... i get to see the ppl that ive jus met from softball! thats jus super cool! wat a way to end off the summer... however, since im staying back a year, i feel like im bein left behind in a since that im not entering the next stage of my life at the time taht i should be! everyone my age is moving onto university while im stuck in high school for another year... yeah its my own fault for that... i dunno... ppl telling me that theres nothing wrong in staying back a year, its my own choice and i should do wats right for me, but even tho i know that this is right for me but it jus doesnt feel like it is! i think its jus another one of those moods of mine... i'll eventually get over it i hope!

Flustered

2005-05-23T21:55:00.000-04:00

i dunno n e more...im not motivated n e more... like i now i should be because of uni and all... but im jus not... i dunno wats wrong with me... why am i actin this way? im doin ubber bad in calc.. and i dunno jus soo hard to put effort into it thesedays... been like this for awhile so i dunno wat to do... i should be studying for a test tomrrow... but i dunno... i jus wanna give up! i hate the position that ive put myself into... why do i always do this to myself? guys please pray for me!!! im feel SO lost right now... i need to find my way back on track! i dunno... HELP!!!

please God help me!

Sorri if i seem sooo pesimistic (cant spell), i have had good moments... if you wanna know then jus ask... been occupied.. but jus not really thinking bout them right now... like prom is coming this week... and i bought everything... but yeah... jus thinking bout school and uni bah!

Today's Mood

2005-05-02T22:29:00.000-04:00

Job 7:11-21 is wat im feeling... i know its bad... but its the truth and im jus at my ultimate low right now, so please continue to pray for me
thanx a bunch

Frustrations of Stupidity

2005-05-01T21:04:00.000-04:00

i've come to the realization that im not as smart as i can be! and the thing is that its SO hard to change my habits... so as of right now im TERRIFIED that im not gonna get into uni! i know its not the end of the world if i dun get in... cuz there are other options... but jus knowing that others got in while i didnt... i'll jus feel REAL stupid... even tho im apparently not! man what have i gotten myself into! why do i have to be the way that i am... its unbelieveablely frustrating... you dun even understand... i have my own mom calling me dumb... i know shes joking... but it jus makes everything worse...

Daddy!

Help me! I know you can see the struggle that im goin through... but sometimes... it jus feels like im on my own... and im jus disappointed imyself for all the procrastination that ive done! why do i have to be me? im know im created in your image... and im your child, so you love me the way that i am... but im SO undeserving... show me my purpose in life! cus i cant see it... Help me through all my struggles and pain! i NEED you hear to pick me up.. i feel like im falling so fast and im drifting farther farther away from you! carry my through this PLEASE!!! i jus wanna give up on eveything and sit in a REAL deep hole... thanx for listening

Amen

PLEASE keep me in your prayers... i dunno wat to do n e more!

Jumbled

2005-04-24T17:33:00.000-04:00

been busy lately... so didnt have that much time to come and update! sorri bout the folks!there were times where i wanted to blog tho... but jus didnt get the chance to

well wat have i been up to? i'll jus say the most recent things, like within the past week.... school softball has started... had to practices, early in the morning but its all good... we dun break a sweat.... heeh... ppl on the team see alright i guess... havent really talked to n e one except my friends... badminton, had my final two games... and man was i disappointed, our very last match against r.h. king... was VERY close like you wouldnt believe but in the end it wasnt meant to be... part of the reason why ive been grumpy lately.. also kinda... i guess disappointed with my partner... dun really feel like goin into details with that... n e ways... umm... had B.A.S.I.C's first official leaders meetin.. it went pretty well! and i got cleats for softball... not sure if i wanna exchange cus it covers the ankle... hahha... i forgot wat its called... like ti looks alright... but the regular way looks better i think.. gonna think bout it...

wat else... ohh.. i have a prom date.. hehe... aaron, derek or warren if you read this before i actually tell you, SORRI and i'll give you the details soon! hehe... you guys are the best!

well gonna get back to hmwrk... take care everyone! & have an awesome week!

March Break

2005-04-04T22:31:00.000-04:00

its been ahwile... so heres a recap of my relaxing break... after i went to waterloo and had youth sunday, the monday and the tuesday i went to TC... aww man it was AWESOME!!! cant say it enough times... my captains were super cool! adwin and raymond... two super energetic guys! they did a FANTASTIC job! i wish it was still TC... met some really cool ppl from my team and other teams! i saw jordan do a awesome job on guitar... i should really learn ... hehe ;) we won the spirit award on the last day! but before we actually won that award... the REC team pucked us good man... hehe... they were callin second place and the at first said Kohath... but hen they were like jus t kidding... then named the real team... it was funny tho.. cuz when they announced my team for spirit we didnt believe them... hehe.... and then we're like "for real?!" then we started jumping up and down... soo cool! and plus tine slpet over sunday and monday nite.... eunice eslept over monday... lots of fun... then wed and thurs i jus stayed home and some hmwrk... i gott o talk to warrne on the fone for about an hour-ish... it was fun... got a chance to actually catch up with him!... friday i had good friday service in the morning then went out to eat with fellowship for lunch... then at night went to jaffrey for the fellowship program... it was pretty cool... "last supper" was the program... based on good friday... i saw melvin there... a guy from my TC team... he's ubber tall! but cool!... also saw adwin... he was part of the skit... good acting!... i went with my sis, mike and janice... it was fun! dinner was interesting ... i like it! some ppl mite not have! sat i went shopping with mom dad and sis... to weton rd... it was fun... got some new clothes..all good.. hehe ... sunday... i had church then softball practice with kcsa... playing for two league this year... should be fun! then after pratice went to work on english progect... monday did some hmwrk... from tuesday to friday... it was jus the usual... school... sucks... but gotta deal with it, right? now its second week back at school... and lots of tests... yay.... *sarcasm* =p... wat else is new... hrmmm... nothing really coming to mind... there are things but kinda lazy to type it out... hehe..and plus i jus forgot... im serious! lost my train of thought... arghhh....

i'll update soon

take care everyone! and hope you guys have a great week!

Youth Sunday

2005-03-20T19:01:00.000-05:00

i found todays serom to be pretty interesting.... and plus it was my youth pastor's first first at my church... so ive decided to share it with you guys!

Topic: Mad Handles

Scripture: Luke 19: 28-38

Question for thought: What can your hands do for the Lord?

Points: Are your hands...

1. Letting Go?
*verse 28-34
~things that you can externally give up to God
(ie. House - holding fellowship programs)

2. Laying Down?
*verse 35-36
~things that you can internally give up to God
(ie. your pride)

3. Lifting Up?
*verse 37-38
-Prepare
(ie. going to bed early the nigt before church so you can be more attentive in service)
-Prayer
(ie. on your way to church cut out distractions and pray to God for an open heart and mind in service)
-Proclaim
(ie. worshipping God w/ hands lifted up high)

i hope this has been beneficial to you guys... i know its opened up my mind
have a GREAT week guys!

Rest & Relaxation!

2005-03-19T21:52:00.000-05:00

been awhile since i last blogged and i apologize for that! i kinda forgot or whenever i want to internet was messed! for those of you curious w/ wat ive been up to, heres the details! lets see... i dropped out of night school for calculus and im officially taking it in day school, which is both good and bad... joined badminton team which is fun... im gettin exercise again! YAY!! hehe... last weekend i bought my prom dress... i like it!! =p heheh... still unsure of which of the three i wanna bring! really wish i could bring all three... hehhe itd be awesome! but i shall have too see!

now its march break and i came back from waterloo a few hours ago! i had SO much fun! i wish i was still there! i got to meet lots of my friend's friends! they were all so nice! i went w/ my sis and eunice! we left friday afternoon and got there at about 4pm... we walked around campus for a bit w/ my sis' ex-housemate... then we went to seoul soul for dinner w/ sam and his friend ray! go to see richard (manager).. he's super cool! then eunice sam and i met up w/ ali to go to ccf... program was alright... it was interesting but kinda diff at the same time! not saying it was a bad thing... from that i saw some of my sis' friends, along w/ ppl that i havent seen in soo long like aaron (derek was suppose to be there but he went to kcf =p) and i met herman christy tiff mindy and kevin... it kinda felt weird after i met mindy cus of aaron might be my prom date... i was sorta scared to approach them after aaron introduced us... but in the end she was VERY cool, and VERY nice! after ccf, sam eunice and i went to bubble teases (after jus miisin derek at some restaurant.. lol) and met up with some of sam's friends... it was really weird for me cus of the fact that i didnt know them and i was being VERY shy! afterwards kevin and ali showed up... we had some drinks and played cards... it was cool... when that was over derek and his friends dropped by... we loitered outside of bubble tease and chatted! we then went back to ali's to watch my sassy girl 2... kevin sam jackie jaz carson eric and this other gurl cam to watch it w/ me ali and eunice!... it was so bad... the way how it was filmed was horrbile... when we were done it was about 3am... hehe... by the time we went to bed it was 430am... we chatted and eunice and i were filling out uni apps... we woke up at 930... arghh... didnt get enough sleep! heheh... i slept for like 3hrs straight then i started to get paranoid and kept waking up after 730... we went to play bball at cif it was cool... met brain there... he looks like eric... hehe... well kinda... went back to ali's to get ready for lunch... we were meetin up w/ ppl for lunch at 1230... by the time we got there it was like 1240... i felt sooo bad cuz derek got there at 12 cuz he was afraid that terry and bee would be there at 12... but in the end it turned out that they got there at the right time!!!! sorri derek!!!! i had lunch w/ ali bobby(aaron's friend) aaron brian miriam christy sam eunice derek bee andrew kevin terry and jaz! it was soooo much fun! i got SO full! awesome times! after lunch every more or less departed... cus most of them had to get back to studying! [ gl guys... and dun stress] hung out with derek sam and jaz for awhile at second cup! bumped into tiff... and kat joanne and clara came after a bit to pick up jaz! in the end we said out fair wells and departed! met up w/ sis before we left for t.o! i REALLY wish i couldve stayed longer! im gonna miss you guys! thanx for hangin out with me!!! *hugs* hehe... yes i sound very corny right now... but that cus i havnet napped yet today! hehe... i hope to go up soon! but we shall see!

tomorrow is youth sunday nad im ushering! gotta "dress up"... figure out wat i wear in the morning hehe.. then monday and tuesday i have tc... which should be great! two friends are gonna sleep over! YAY!! then off to queen's either wednesday or thursday! then back to t.o and hmwrk time begins! more or less my march break!

hope everything is goin good for everyone! take care and dun stress! luv ya'll lots!

gonna get ready for bed now! nite....

p.s sorri if some parts dun make sense... and sorri for being SO detailed... jus had WAY too much fun!

Overloaded!

2005-02-28T01:06:00.000-05:00

havent blogged in awhile, and its my bad... been REALLY busy lately with school and nite school! cus at the beginning of this week i was trying to get into a calc class in place of my spare... but it turns out that the class is full.. but the teacher is lettin me go in and join his class... im jus not on the actual list... and the reason why im jus joining is bcus if someone drops out then i can get in and drop night school! but now im not sure n e more... and the teacher for my day school cant really teach.. but the one at nite school can! so im contemplatin on whether i should stay at night school or not! ... gonna see by the end of this week i guess...

this weekend has been kinda hectic with filling out uni apps... studying for tests and finishing english hmwrk... still need to catch up a bit on physics... hopefully nothing big! main concern right now is the two tests that im gonna be writing today... i jus wanna relax... blah...

i realized that i need to jus be silent and listen to God more often... im always caught up with wats goin on around me that i dun give enuff attention to God...after listening to yesturdays sermon i realized that its gonna be harder for me to get through things if i dun relax and pay more attention to God!

Qoute for Thought:

"God rarely is found in the midst of noise and restlessness; instead, He's a friend to silence."

~Mother Teresa

People Get Mad for the Stupidest Reasons!

2005-02-20T22:08:00.000-05:00

man this is sooo ridiculous! today i was TRYING to take a nap fone rang like at least ten times w/i half an hour... from both my mom and sis! if that didnt get me grumpy already... one of the calls sis asks if i could make her lunch... hello you can alsways buy on your way home or you can have bao zi... i told her no, cause i was tired and i wanted to nap! she gets mad at me for that... so for the rest of the day she makes rude comments about me being lazy (look at whos talking!) i try to be nice... but no she jus throws that she "tired" jus like me! wat kinda crap is that! she said she was gonna find something for me like a few days ago and now she like " im tired, jus like you... so you know..." and im telling her taht she said she would do it! and its not the same thing! she said "yeah it is" its like wat the heck? how is it the same? for one thing, i didnt agreee to making her n e thing... but she kept saying she would find me the textbook! man... pissing me off... so now i got to bus home from nite school.. buts thats also cus her bf is coming back from mexico... man i wish she was back in loo... and i wouldnt have to put up with her sometimes selfishness! wouldnt have to put up with her... and i wouldnt have to get it from my mom when she's being her... i really dislike having to be responsible for my dad, bro and sis... its sucks like crap! and im the youngest! man... blah

Thinking Too Much is Bad

2005-02-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

past couple of days have been fairly good... weekend went shopping with mom, yesturday i had my first day of night school... thats was kinda horrible bcuz i wasnt on the list and i had to wait... some guy that was helping out the school gave wrong info so it took longer... i went to class for the last twenty mins... how great was that... today was alright... i got a needle!

lately ive been thinking more bout this whole prom date thing... for those of you who know good for you & for those of you that dun... weel then sorri too bad... n e ways is wasnt until this past weekend until i started to really think of who i should bring... originally i knew who, but now im not so sure... i told my sis that i dunno if i wanna bring this guy bcus i dunno... it would be a good idea n e more... like this guy is super awesome! and the thing is that i like this guy too... feelings have died down a bit... cuz i think that im too melodramatic for him to handle... and my sis told me that its for him to decide which i find is very true... but being me and all... im thinking too much into it! one of the reasons why im thinking more about this thing is cus my sis said that itd be a good idea to know who i wanna bring so i can figure things out like if he can go and all that stuff... so yeah... now im contemplatin on whether or not if i should invite him! blah... im gonna decide by sometime in march! pooh...

Appreciation of Things

2005-02-10T19:27:00.000-05:00

today was a calm day i guess you can say... it was different for some reason! it was cool tho.. well it started yesturday.. one of my friends helped me out with my blogger format! thanx a bunch very much appreciated! i guess it was jus the whole taking the time to do it.. i dunno... jus grateful! =) then today during my last period spare i met with my friend at the bus stop and we jus chatted and stuff... it wasnt til i decided to take a different route to get home today, that i really felt the settleness... i got off at my stop and decided not to take the bus the rest of the way... only two stops soo it wasnt a big deal... it took my 15 mins to walk home... it wasnt bad.. kinda wobbled when i walked over the bridge... but other then that it was good... jus got the opportunity to enjoy my surrounding and jus think about things... cus my friend and i were talking bout the shortage of captains for tc (tdsb) and i feel that i should help out, but in my mind i know i cant with all the school work and plus the few days right before our conference i'll be out of town... so if i wanted to get everything done, itd have too be finished by the end of this month... and thats a lot to do plus not all the info would be given out by then... so itd jus be SO stressful! id like to do but i cant... but the quesitons thats been on my mind is.. then why do i feel like i HAVE to do it? i dunno... like i even talked ot my youth pastor, and he said that i shouldnt do it if i dun have the time... but the question is still lingering in my head... *sigh*

Slowly Gettin' There

2005-02-09T19:39:00.000-05:00

blogged on the weekend but the it screwed up so it didnt post... then i didnt really want to re-type it so yeah... things are gettin better... since last i posted, but still not the best... i dunno... i like this sem... classes are awesome! jus gotta work real hard.... still have to fix things with my french class... been meaning to but havent seen or found the teacher.. soo, blah!

had chinese new year dinner last nite... wasnt too bad cousin's back in town so yeah... shes pregnant too... kinda cool... meal was good, good amount of bonding... after dinner we chatted for a while.. then i did my hmwrk, but didnt finish it all... so i didnt go to school today... yeah i know its bad... relaxed tho...

today is ash wednesday, so i started my fasting today... no more fast food...like mcd's and chips and all that stuff! only thing i can eat at fast food restaurants is salad... but thats if im out with friends and thats where they decide to go... and so far... day one has been good! havent fallen from my fast... heheh YAY! lol... good experience to go through i think... makes you reflect on wat God has given us! and all the things that He's done for us... very greatful even tho sometimes it doesnt seem like it cuz im caught up in all my dilemas... sad! hope you guys decide to give something up for 40 days!

Rollercoaster of a Week

2005-02-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

ive been through SOO many different emotions this week its not even funny... still goin throgh them... and its very frustratin.. dun really wanna talk bout it... i jus hope i can get throug all of this... and i hope its REAL soon... dun wanna think bout it n e more... jus wan to look forward tot he next semester... forget about the previous courses ive taken... this year man... *sigh* i REALLY dislike it... i dunno wat else to say.... nothing else has really happened expect the fact that i got my contacts on weds and i dropped my left one down the sink drain today... how great is that... blah

jus keep me in your prayers pls! itd be very much appreciated!

Becareful w/ What You Wish For!

2005-02-01T22:22:00.000-05:00

*sigh* i got wat i asked for... and sadly i regret it... shouldnt live life with regreets, that i know... but honestly i do! i screwed myself with it... heres the gist of my story: french class got split in half (& i wanted to go with the new teach cuz my original teach couldnt really teach all that well), half way through the sem and yeah new teach sucks... basically i did REALLY bad in his class and it was to the point where i failed second term of sem 1... had exam today and im scared that im gonna fail the course in general.. biggest fear right now! never failed a course before! *sigh* so i got wat i deserved i guess... slowly gettin out of the slumps... but jus scared for friday cuz thats when i get my marks... *sigh* not lookin forward to it... been keeping my mind off of it.. and when i do think of it... i try not to cry (how sad).. ok ok ... not allowed to be down... no school for the next two days! happy! =)

lets see on the bright side.. im gettin my contacts and glasses tomorrow! and on thursday i have an orthodontist appoitment... yea i know i sound like a dork for sayin that... but yeah... thats me... better than doin nothing.. hehe nothing else to say i guess... jus keep me in your prayers please! thanx!
luv you guys much and thanx for being you!

Changes a Comin' Through

2005-01-31T21:06:00.000-05:00

hrmmm... wasted weekend! shoulda been studying but as always (me being me) i procrastinated once again! such a disappointment to myself... why dun i follow through with my plans? *sigh* how am i gonna get n e where in life? i feel like im such a constant disappointment o myslef and others... mainly God i guess... how do i change? its soo hard to... hopefully the up coming sem will be totally different! i'll set goals and achieve them! no matter how discouraged i get i wont give up! big changes lye ahead of me! and i shall change for the better!!!!

always feel like im down in the slumps... i have SO many things to be happy and thankful for, like if my dad didnt have his accident then i wouldnt be the person i am today, i wouldnt have gone to church and became a Christian; if i didnt go through all the trails in my life i wouldnt be as strong as i am today! but i still dun understand why i am the way i am... i guess thats something i have to figure out and for God to slowly show me! *sigh* mucst be a patient child of God!

*thanx alex

The Positive Outlook

2005-01-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

crappy day... *sigh*

school = exams = marks = *sigh* = wanna give up

i know that during my times of trial, it'll reach reach a time of joy... with the badd will come the good! but i dunno... seems like theres a lot of bad... maybe i jus dun notice them as much as i should cuz i think way too much about the bad things that go on in my life... *sigh* my joyous time shall come, must be patient!

God,

I know that there's a purpose for everything that you put in my life, and not everything is for me to know. I wish I could see what you have in store for me, cuz then I could understand everything that happens! I feel like I'm goin through so many struggles at once, but I know its going to make me a better, stronger person and I know i can learn so many things from them, but its jus frustrating to go through. Thank you tho for everything that you've given me! I know sometimes I may not show it, but I really am! I just have to remember that there's a GREATER purpose in life and I just dunno what yet! Thanx again!

In Jesus name,

Amen

Reflecting on this Past Sem

2005-01-25T17:35:00.000-05:00

i think im gonna be upset with my marks this sem... havent gotten them yet... but jus have a feeling that im not gonna do well... i deserve it tho.. procrastinated a lot and didnt study all that much for my tests... did well on my assignments tho... *sigh* cant complain iguess... well im trying not too... end result reflects the amount of work i put into the sem i guess... jus diappointed in myself, same thing always happens... i REALLY have too strap myslef down and do my work.. not matter how much i dislaike it... gotta study for tests... and jus do things that im suppose to... cuz how am i gonna get into uni withthese marks... and with these habits... *sigh* ending of a crappy beginning and a beginning of a whole new ending! did that make sense? i dunno... well... gotta get started on making notes for my exams!...

how you guys arent where im at!

take care!

Brief Update

2005-01-25T00:42:00.000-05:00

well, a friend suggested that i should start blogging again cuz they said that its pretty useful when needed & you can jus reflect on things that have happened... its true, but im jus not good with these things... i start them & then eventually i stop and yeah... so... i guess im gonna give it another shot & if this when fails i guess i would've been pretty pointless.. oh well... only time can tell... i think another reason why i dun continue with my bolgs is cuz im reluctant to share with everyone wat im truly feeling on the inside! scared that people are gonna judge me for my emotions and thoughts... i guess if they do, then they truly werent my friends to begin with... cuz friends wouldnt do that to each other, right? i should really take my own advise! * sigh* i really gotta change for the better!

lets see... in the past while ive been pretty stressed with everything thats goin on around me... jus stresse with things that i shouldnt stress over... but i do n e ways... theres school, boys, family, etc... with school jus waitin for this sem to be over... really dislike my courses this sem... mostly due to the bad teachers that i have! next sem seems soo much more interesting... jus gotta be patient... only like a week left... so thats not so bad... boys, well lets see... like a guy... but i doubt he likes me and i know i shouldnt get into rightnow with school and all... so yeah... gonna TRY and put that on hold... see where time takes me i guess... but *sigh* i really like him! so hard not to.... people have told me to look for the negative aspects in him... but its easier sad then done! but im really gonna try with this... i'll wait... family, jus sick of always bein in the middle of everything... i dunno.. sick of being the one that has to correct everyones miskakes... im the youngest! why should i have to act as if i were the oldest... *sigh* rents expecting me to the best... better than my sibs... i have to be veverything that they're not... or i have to be the one thats the perfect child... learn from their mistakes and be the better child... like dun they understand how much pressue that gives me... i understnad where they're coming from but its like dun you see my point of view... of course not (my fault), cuz i havent told you guys... i dunno why i havent, but i jus havent... im sick of bein the one that has to tell my sibs wat to do in order to satify my folks... like dun you guys have common sense to know these things.. obviously when mom says to clean your room, you do it... or if she says not to be out late, you come home at a reasonable time... i hate being stuck in the middle and have to cover up for you guys sometimes... dun you guys see how it affects me? i guess not cuz you guys get to be selfish or self-centered... i dunno.... sometimes i jus wanna get away... but i cant... gotta look after dad... man... i want to be at uni... dun wanna be at home n e more! its the same things over and over again... *sigh* i know im not perfect! i make my mistakes too... soemtimes i dun do things when my tells me to... but... i dunno n e more... i jus cant wait til mark break... i really wanna go to waterloo, windsor, and kingston... and cant forget TC... even tho not everyone is gonna be there cuz of the split... still looking forward to it! somthing diff! REALLY cant wait! but i have to be patient!

i REALLY have to rely on God more often! also gotta give Him all my troubles! Daddy above, help me! i hate feeling the way that i do!

there's more to rant about.. but i think you guys have had enough for one day!

hope everyone has a GREAT week and dun stress!

GOD BLESS!!